Dating Love The Dud[e]s

Love triangle fallout

January 19, 2020

Continuation from Finding myself in a love triangle…. Bryan was supposed to be out playing poker with some buddies. When I got home, his car was still gone. I was relieved. I went inside, changed clothes, and went to bed. I must have fallen asleep quickly because I don’t even remember him coming to bed. I got up before him the next morning and made some coffee. I…

Dating Love The Dud[e]s

Finding myself in a love triangle

January 16, 2020

Continuation from Cowboy, Part 2 A few months after Eric and I broke up, I began dating another guy. His name was Bryan. Bryan was sweet, funny, substantially older than me (15 years my senior). He had just gotten a divorce when we met, although he had been separated for a while. Bryan was the dad to two young daughters. I was 21 or 22 at the time,…

Dating Love The Dud[e]s

Cowboy, Part 2

January 13, 2020

Continuation from Falling in love with Cowboy I took Eric home to meet my family and we went out to a steakhouse. I wasn’t sure how my mom and dad would react – he was a far cry from the pretty boys I’d dated before. Then again, I hadn’t exactly had many boyfriends. He drove an old blue Ford pickup, lifted with huge tires. It was a redneck…

Dancing Love The Dud[e]s

Falling in love with Cowboy

January 11, 2020

About a year into dancing and shortly after the development of my stripper persona, Belle, I fell in love. With a customer. Truthfully, I’ve only admitted this to a few people. Falling in love with a customer goes against every rule in the stripper book. But I couldn’t help myself, and as I tell the story… I think you’ll understand why. It was late at night, maybe 1:30…

Dancing Life Work

Belle is born (my stripper alter ego)

January 6, 2020

I didn’t need a stripper persona when I first started dancing. The bikini bars I worked at were tame, the customers were well-behaved, and the girls were relatively friendly. When I switched to my second club, I changed my stage name to Belle. Carmen didn’t fit me and I had enough customers at the first place [rightfully] laugh when I introduced myself by a name meant for a…

Dancing Work

Becoming a stripper.

January 1, 2020

I made $70 my first night as a dancer. $70. My first club wasn’t really a strip club – it was a bikini club, which was like training wheels for real stripping (in topless or nude clubs). There was no nudity; dancers wore g-strings and bikini tops. There were no private booths or champagne rooms. It was just a tiny, grungy bar with a bunch of regulars. Think,…

Confidence Life

It’s been 10 years since I hung up my heels.

December 29, 2019

I was browsing YouTube a few nights ago and a video from a stripper was in my feed. Curious, I clicked on it and watched a “get ready with me” video of a young (maybe 19 year-old) girl, listening as she talked about the darker side of dancing… the things, as she put it, “they don’t tell you about.” From J-Lo’s recent movie, “Hustlers” to Cardi B’s candid…

Happiness Life

Realization: I am a troll.

December 19, 2019

A couple nights ago, I watched the documentary Iron Cowboy. It’s about James Lawrence, a superhuman who completed 50 Ironmans (Ironmen?) in 50 days – one in each U.S. state. He called it the 50-50-50. Let that sink in. Fifty Ironmans (do you know how hard it is for me to not type Ironmen?). For those not in the ultra endurance sport loop, an Ironman consists of a…


Life update

December 17, 2019

Let’s see… the last update I wrote was back in September, when I was adventuring in Colorado and convinced I was going to permanently move out west. A lot has happened since then. I came back to North Carolina, refreshed and renewed, ready to take on my next projects. Within a couple days of being back at the house, I started to feel depressed, cloudy headed, and congested…

Confidence Happiness Life

Jumping before you’re “ready”

November 13, 2019

I love to be ready for things. Love it. I love planning. I love making lists. I love researching – OH do I love researching. I love learning everything I can possibly learn about something, examining it from every angle, anticipating every possible hurdle, and planning solutions to said obstacles before I take any real action. Planning, writing out goals, dreaming about what’s next in my life… those…