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Dancing Life Work

Belle is born (my stripper alter ego)

January 6, 2020

I didn’t need a stripper persona when I first started dancing. The bikini bars I worked at were tame, the customers were well-behaved, and the girls were relatively friendly. When I switched to my second club, I changed my stage name to Belle. Carmen didn’t fit me and I had enough customers at the first place [rightfully] laugh when I introduced myself by a name meant for a…

Confidence Life

It’s been 10 years since I hung up my heels.

December 29, 2019

I was browsing YouTube a few nights ago and a video from a stripper was in my feed. Curious, I clicked on it and watched a “get ready with me” video of a young (maybe 19 year-old) girl, listening as she talked about the darker side of dancing… the things, as she put it, “they don’t tell you about.” From J-Lo’s recent movie, “Hustlers” to Cardi B’s candid…

Happiness Life

Realization: I am a troll.

December 19, 2019

A couple nights ago, I watched the documentary Iron Cowboy. It’s about James Lawrence, a superhuman who completed 50 Ironmans (Ironmen?) in 50 days – one in each U.S. state. He called it the 50-50-50. Let that sink in. Fifty Ironmans (do you know how hard it is for me to not type Ironmen?). For those not in the ultra endurance sport loop, an Ironman consists of a…

Life

Life update

December 17, 2019

Let’s see… the last update I wrote was back in September, when I was adventuring in Colorado and convinced I was going to permanently move out west. A lot has happened since then. I came back to North Carolina, refreshed and renewed, ready to take on my next projects. Within a couple days of being back at the house, I started to feel depressed, cloudy headed, and congested…

Confidence Happiness Life

Jumping before you’re “ready”

November 13, 2019

I love to be ready for things. Love it. I love planning. I love making lists. I love researching – OH do I love researching. I love learning everything I can possibly learn about something, examining it from every angle, anticipating every possible hurdle, and planning solutions to said obstacles before I take any real action. Planning, writing out goals, dreaming about what’s next in my life… those…

Happiness Hiking Life Travel

Colorado put me in the clouds

September 12, 2019

I was driving east around October of last year, cruising through New Mexico with no real plans for what was next, when I heard a song for the first time. It was Randy Houser’s “No stone unturned.” I’ve linked it below if you haven’t heard it. This song spoke to my soul. It’s about roaming, traveling… being free spirited and in search of yourself. As I drove east,…

Life Travel Uncategorized

I’ve lost myself.

August 12, 2019

I’m lost. I have slowly lost myself over the last few months, and… I don’t know. It feels all sorts of fucked up. This is why I’ve barely posted anything. I’ve been feeling incredibly cynical and depressed. Stagnant and lonely. Unbearably lonely at times. Sometimes negative. Just mostly… sad. When I decided to stop traveling full-time, I had developed an intense case of cabin fever. Living in a…

Advice Life

The hard pass

July 27, 2019

It’s been a while since my last posts. The last few months have been interesting. My business has kept me busy. My training at the gym has kicked up several notches (more on that in another post, perhaps), and I’ve done some self-reinvention. It seems that every couple years, I undergo some sort of transformation – sometimes it’s physical, sometimes it’s more emotional. Sometimes it involves me moving.…

Aging Life Sex

One month on testosterone: The details.

April 2, 2019

I remember a few years ago when I was putting on a lot of muscle in gym. I had tapped into that difficult-to-achieve state where you’re simultaneously putting on muscle and burning fat. I was visiting my mom and one evening after a particularly killer workout. and she asked me if I was on steroids. Perhaps strangely, I was flattered. Although I was definitely not on steroids. Years…

Aging Life

Let’s talk about hormone hell.

April 1, 2019

Hormone hell. noun: the place everyone woman of menstruating age finds herself on a monthly basis. Generally, hormone hell becomes exceedingly excruciating as a woman progresses into her late thirties and early forties. Rarely talked about. Because, you know, women are crazy. Related words: purgatory, abyss, deep rotten pit, place of emotional instability, cognitive circus act, underworld of pandemonium. Hormone hell is real. And as a 36-year-old who…