Dating

Why you should unfriend and block your exes

April 30, 2018

Keeping an ex in your social networks is like a dragging around a stinking heap of psychological baggage (which, turns out, is not a sexy accessory).  If you’re someone who has the profiles and contact information of exes lurking in your social networks and phones — this post is for you.

It’s healthy to remove exes from your social networks.  Block them from communication.  Delete them from your devices.  Staying connected to former lovers can impede your happiness and prevent you from moving on, especially if you still have any remnants of feelings for them.

I haven’t always been quick to unfriend or block my exes.  Regrettably, I’ve initiated contact with exes more times than I care to admit.  I’ve crawled back in bed with exes after reaching out to them in moments of weakness and woke up the next morning wanting to punch myself in the face.

Let’s put a stop to this madness.  It’s time to UNFRIEND/UNFOLLOW/BLOCK the exes.

Drunk dialing/texting

Blocking and deleting exes from your address book or social networks protects you against a couple of things:  first, it ensures you don’t get drunk, develop a booze-fueled case of the lonelies, and drunk dial/text/message an ex (something you know you’ll hate yourself for in the morning).  It also protects you from incoming drunk dials and texts from exes.   Repeat after me: UNFRIEND/UNFOLLOW/BLOCK.

Scrolling through an ex’s page

You know what else is great about unfriending and blocking exes?  It prevents you from scrolling through their profiles to see what they’ve been up to (i.e., who they’re dating now).  If you’re doing this, I command you to stop.  At once.  Unless, however, you’re a masochist who enjoys waging war on your own psyche (my guess is that you are not).  Scrolling through your ex’s feed is insane and if you’re doing it, you need your damn head adjusted.  Three, two, one!: UNFRIEND/UNFOLLOW/BLOCK.

Seeing things you wish you hadn’t

Even if you’re not a cyber stalker who’s creeping your ex’s profiles, staying connected via social media puts you at risk for inadvertently seeing an update you could have gone without.  I wrote about this on my other blog last year after seeing a Facebook post from an ex who had recently gotten engaged.  The post is cringy af…you’ve been warned.

Barf.

I mean, good for him and all that, but did I really need to see a picture of their shiny happy faces and her new diamond ring while I was still working on my first cup of coffee that morning? No. No, I did not.

Even if you’re no longer in love with an ex… even if you fully accept that individual was not right for you… even if it’s been a long time since you’ve dated that person…there’s still a degree of emotional whiplash involved with seeing an ex happy/in love with/engaged to someone else.  Why subject yourself to that?  All together now!: UNFRIEND/UNFOLLOW/BLOCK.

You’re probably not going to stay “friends”

Fact.  You might be able to maintain a friendship with an ex for a while, but in most situations, you’ll  grow apart and move on.  It’s very hard to return to friend zone after you’ve been intimate with someone.  And as delightful as it is to imagine your ex spending his life pining away for the one who got away (you), he probably won’t.  When he starts dating someone else, staying friends with you is probably going to be awkward.  Think about it — do you want your current lover maintaining contact with other people he’s been naked with?  I’m not a jealous person, but I’d find that unsettling.

I used to think that exes could stay friends.  But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized there are very few cases where that’s possible. UNFRIEND/UNFOLLOW/BLOCK.

You must unfriend AND block

Here’s the rub – it’s not sufficient to just unfriend or unfollow an ex on social media.  If you’re serious about maintaining your sanity and moving on with your life, you need to block your exes and delete their contacts from your phone.

But what if they need me for something?

They won’t.  If, for some crazy reason, it becomes critical that an ex gets in touch with you, he or she will find a way.  If you simply unfriend or unfollow your exes on social media, they can still reach out to you with ease.  If you block them and delete them from your phone, you’ve done your due diligence to move on.

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